Ready for... Love, Soup, and Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Banana Bread!!

Ready for Love

I'm home sick with a cold so I thought I would do a long overdue post.

I am now getting to do a lot of music therapy on my own at work. So far I have 3 main areas of focus. To start I have been co-treating with the physical therapist. We see patients 1:1 and I never know who we're going to see. I have figured out that as long as I have an auto harp and a hand drum I can play music to compliment the physical therapist. This has been challenging for me to think on the spot to be therapeutically effective, but I am loving that challenge. Like I spoke about in previous posts I am working on the forensic unit doing groups and 1:1. And my new area of focus is with the adolescent girls. I had no idea that I was going to enjoy working with this population so much. I really didn't think that I was good with kids at all, but with the adolescents I am loving it.

Last week I did a song writing workshop with them and I was so pleasantly surprised at how they embraced it and wrote some amazing lyrics. I don't know if you have ever heard of the song "Ready for Love" by India Arie. I have used it in the past for different things. Its a good lyric analysis and conversation starter for each person to express what they are ready for.

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me?
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respects the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can

I am ready for love
Here with an offering of
My voice
My Eyes
My soul
My mind

Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love

I am ready

I started with the song in the original form, sang it and then we discussed it. I tried to get them thinking outside of the box about love. We discussed love within ourselves by accepting who we are. I then got them thinking about what they were ready for and gave them fill in the blank lyric sheets with the original song as a template for them to personalize it. Some of the things that were written were: "I am ready for freedom," "I'm ready for a second change," and "I'm ready for a new life." After each of them filled their song I gave them each the opportunity to perform it in any way they wanted; Singing, speaking, rapping. And all 8 girls did it!! I was so impressed with them and I could tell that they were all so proud of themselves for accomplishing something like writing their own song. I'm excited to work with them more.

Ready for Soup...?

Since I haven't updated in so long, I have 2 recipes for you. Last month I tried a soup at a restaurant that was a roasted cauliflower soup and it was so delicious I couldn't quit thinking about it. So I did some research and came up with this recipe to fulfill my cravings. This soup is soo creamy and rich you would think that cream and butter were a main ingredient. But there is not even a drop of either!!

Roasted Cauliflower Soup

1 Head Cauliflower (cut in small florets)

2 Small Turnips (quartered)

1 Small Yellow Onion (cut in large pieces)

2 Small potatoes (cut in half)

4 Garlic Cloves (smashed)

Olive Oil

Salt & Pepper

1 Cup Vegetable Stock

Preheat oven to 425F. Place vegetables on baking sheet in single layer. Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast for 30 minutes or until browned. Place vegetables in a large pot or blender. Add 1 cup of vegetable stock and puree with an emersion blender or in the blender.

Ready for Peanut Butter, Chocolate Chip Banana Bread...? Yes please!

This recipe is a little bit indulgent, but I have taken some measures to cut the fat and calories out of what could be incredibly bad for you by using applesauce and more banana in place of butter and eggs! This means that this recipe is also vegan because the chocolate chips are dark chocolate and therefore have no animal products in them!

Peanut Butter, Chocolate Chip Banana Bread

1 cup All-Purpose Flour

3/4 tsp Baking Powder

1/2 tsp Baking Soda

1/4 tsp Salt

1 tsp Cinnamon

2 Ripe Bananas (mashed)

1/4 cup Reduced Fat Peanut Butter

1/4 cup Sugar

1/4 cup Brown Sugar

1 tsp Vanilla

1/4 cup Apple Sauce (unsweetened)

1/4 cup Skim Milk

1/4 cup + 1 tbsp Mini Dark Chocolate Chips

Preheat oven to 350F. Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cinnamon in a medium bowl. In a large mixing bowl combine banana, peanut butter, sugar, brown sugar, applesauce and vanilla. Beat with mixer for about 2 minutes. Slowly beat in the flour mixture until combined. Stir in milk and 1/4 cup chocolate chips. Pour into 2 greased mini loaf pans or into 1 large loaf pan. Bake for 40-50 minutes. Sprinkle with the remaining tbsp of chocolate chips and bake for 5 more minutes.

Warning!! This can be kind of addicting.

Healing Today, Hope for Tomorrow

The past 2 days I have had to attend another training at work. Although I was upset that I had to sit through MORE training, I actually got some interesting things out of it. The training was called "Healing Today, Hope for Tomorrow." The focus is on reducing the number of restraints and seclusions used in psychiatric hospitals. ASH has come a long way in regards to this issue. It was mandated 2 years ago that patients were to no longer be forced into seclusions. And in regards to restraints, they are only used if a patient is harming themselves, others, or in immediate danger of these two things. The restraint techniques we are trained in are designed to only use a physical restraint after all other options are exausted and if done properly should not hurt the patient.

I personally have not had to perform a restraint yet on a patient, but I know that they are necessary in some cases. For instances, we there are certain patients that will unexpectedly begin hurting themselves. In these cases of violent self harm there is really no other way around it. However, I know that restraints are frequently used because a situation gets out of hand that could have easily been deescalated with some therapeutic redirection, listening, and talking. Diana Kern is an amazing lady who has a mental illness and who has started an advocacy program called "Expect Recovery." She frequently comes to the hospital and talks about her experiences with hospitalization and this is something she wrote about the benefits and necessity of restraint when used properly and only when needed.

Safety in Restraints

Diana Kern
April 2009

"Memories of my time spent in restraints in mental hospitals were not available to me for several years after my psychotic episodes. If I was fully present when I was “taken down”, I would have sunk to a level of insanity where I would have existed forever.

The peaceful Spirit in Diana had withdrawn from her truth and made way for a terror that was too painful to feel. The fault line had been drawn and I was sucked into the safety of the center of the earth where God starts.

When the noises and voices inside and outside of my head were deafening, I had no choice but to brutally bang my head to release the pain.

I was so lost in my brain and lost in the voices that teased me, I was unaware of my behavior. What was the hospital staff supposed to do? Ignore me? Walk past me while I banged my head on the tile floor? Walk past me when I scratched and cut and even burned my face and body?

They had no choice but to hold onto me and if that didn’t work, their only choice was to tie me down.

I know that there are only a few of us who have told our story—the raw truth of our story. For over a year, I have questioned why I write about it and why I talk about my restraint experiences.

The answer: I must write myself through my experiences.

However, it is much easier to write about my restraint (and seclusion) experiences than it is to talk out loud about it.

The answer as to why I even broach this subject is because I have learned it is my mission (one of them) to help others who are going through the uncontrollable symptoms as I went through in years past. I want their trauma to be healed. Helping others with a mental illness is an important part of my recovery.

It has taken years for me to reach a place of peace with my past. It has been a journey that I would soon rather forget, yet my past comes up through the work that I do to help others with mental illness, that is, a serious mental illness.

I am writing this today because I took Chester, my beautiful 105 lb. dog, to visit the patients. We visited the specialty services unit. Inside the unit, there were several persons in restraints in wheelchairs. And while it might look cruel and inhumane, these people need protection from themselves.

While we were there visiting the patients, I was fine. It made me feel so good that I was able to be there to share Chester with them. The cool part about Chester is that he is over 2 feet tall and people in wheelchairs (like the geriatric patients) don’t have to bend down to pet him. He is right there on their level!

Looking back to my time spent in mental hospitals, I know that it would have helped me, when I was in a restraint chair, to pet and love a dog. I know it would have calmed me down, especially since medications didn’t work back then.

When I got in my car to leave the hospital, I fell apart. I just begged God to explain to me why these patients are suffering. My compassion and understanding were so palpable that I imagined others could feel my heart pounding just as I did.

And what I realized today was that my restraint story has to be told; written so others can understand the ravages of the most serious of mental illnesses and break open this great secret that only a few know. It’s my way of mandating compassion; my contribution to share not only my truth, but the truth of a group who are mysteriously hidden and looked down upon.

We hear stories all the time about the treatment of people in third world countries; the suffering that millions go through for years or even their whole lives. But do we ever hear about a person in a mental hospital who is suffering no less than those in Iraq or Uganda? We don’t.

Another important topic that I want to share with the unknowing is this:

This is not just the patient’s story. It is also the story of mental health employees and their dedication to help people recover; to continue to offer hope in the midst of despair; to explore the possibilities of faith (faith being an active word for hope).

This is where “partnership” comes in. “Partnering Together to Find Solutions toward Wellness”.

Mental Health employees go to their jobs 10, 20, 40 hours a week to help save the lives of people who MUST live in a locked ward. Each day that they go to work, they have the keys to walk out into the free world. They know that some of their patients might never have the key to leave. And they know many patients will be back in the hospital because they did not get the services that they needed on the outside. Yet, these employees continue to work knowing all of this and they do it for very little money.

Now that I have recovered to this level of wellness and hope, I am enlightened by the power of the human spirit and the courage of those who want to help.

I have told several of the employees that I have gotten to know in the last year that when I go to ASH, I feel like I am with family. Imagine me driving up to the unit where I will speak to the patients about my recovery and when I arrive late, an employee whom I have gotten to know, is waving his arms glad that I am there! That’s family!

AND, imagine driving into the grounds of a mental hospital, of all places, and feeling free and safe! This is the kind of staff that ASH has. They deserve to be recognized and to show others that success is not all about money. It’s about living your purpose. It’s about doing the right thing.

Here’s the real truth of my story: are those of us with mental illness different than anyone else? No, we are not. Look at me. I am living proof that I am like you and at the same time, I am like them and like the me that I used to be.

I am one of the fortunate ones: I have been able to walk across the bridge of illness into wellness; to walk out of the support of a mental hospital (with the key) and into the support of family and friends and, of course, dogs.

Not very many people get to experience what I have.

With all that said, you may ask, “Why the title, Safety in Restraints?

If the hospital employees do their job and do it right, with debriefing as part of the protocol, a person who must be put in restraints as a last resort, will find safety as I did.

In the last 15 years, I have learned to keep myself safe by using healthy methods of self-care. Now I am able to share my experiences with staff and patients alike."

Beautiful Day to Blog Outside

Today it is 71 and sunny here in Austin so I am sitting out on the deck while I blog. It is lovely and I think that when I finish I will practice some guitar out here as well.

My internship is still going well. I am finally getting to do my own sessions with the patients at the hospital. I sort of thought that this would be anxiety provoking in the beginning but it has actually been a relief to finally get in there. I have led several groups so far and next week I am going to begin meeting 1:1 with two patients in the forensic unit. For those of you who may not know this means that these patients are charged with crimes but they also have psychiatric diagnoses and are not competent to stand trial. I am also going to begin doing some large groups in this unit because they get very few therapies right now.

I knew that working in a psychiatric hospital was going to be intense. The patients that we treat have severe psychiatric problems. However, I had no idea that nearly everyday I was going to encounter something that is traumatic or truly shocking. But I am dealing with it all as it comes one day at a time. And this whole experience is only allowing me to have more acceptance and tolerance for all kinds of people from every walk of life. And to be completely honest, working with some of the patients is very frustrating at times, but I truly do care for all of them and want to help them gain a better life. And I think the most frustrating part of it all is that deep down, I know that many of them will never get better. But we must keep trying.

I'm Official...

Well, orientation is finally over at ASH!!! I have a badge and a huge set of keys, so I guess I am officially a music therapy intern now! I thought in this post I would give some information about who the hospital serves and what exactly I am going to be doing.

The hospital is a state hospital which means that is serves those who cannot afford a private hospital or do not have the insurance to pay for it. We mainly serve those who are homeless, uninsured and/or in custody of the state. In order to meet the criteria for hospitalization the patient must be in immediate harm to themselves, to others or imminent danger of one of these two things. The majority of our patients were brought in by the police, however some are admitted by family members or self admitted.

The hospital is set up in 3 main groups. The CAPS (Children and Adolescent Psychiatric Services) ward serves children through age 18. These patients have either been admitted by their parents or are wards of the state. The APS (Adult Psychiatric Services) ward serves adults with psychiatric diagnoses, and forensic cases which are individuals who are incompetent to stand trial. These patients are mainly receiving acute services. The Specialty ward serves geriatric patients with mental illness, patients with chronic mental illness and those who have physical and intellectual disabilities. This ward is more long term.

I am a part of a department at the hospital called Education and Rehabilitation. This department consists of teachers, music therapists, art therapists, drama therapists, dance and movement therapists and recreation therapists. The department works to educate the patients about their illness, side effects of their medication, positive coping skills, wellness skills, and various other therapeutic aspects in order to work towards each person's recovery and prevention of relapse.

Right now I have just been observing all of the therapists and teachers. It is really awesome to see the different disciplines working together and to see each person's style in doing therapy. I have learned so much just from observing for a week. Soon I will get to do therapy on my own along with collaborating with the other therapists. I get to sort of pick where I would like to focus my attention. My director and I have decided that I am going focus on the forensic unit because that is what I am most interested in and they are lacking therapists there. I am also going to be doing some 1:1 sessions co-treating with the physical therapists. I will have other groups on the other units as well but this will be my main focus.

In other news, Chris is coming to see me this weekend and I am extremely excited!! The transition has been fairly smooth especially because I have such an awesome roommate. But it is hard to be away from the people you love and I am looking forward to a wonderful weekend!

Orientation at ASH

To start this post I want to brag a little bit about the amazing January weather we are experiencing right now. Today it was in the 70's all day and when I got home from work my aunt had the windows open to let the breeze in. We then grilled out and sat on the deck to enjoy the weather while we ate our delicious meal. What a great way to end a long day of training.

As far as work goes, I have now completed 3 of the 12 days of training and orientation. Everyone who is a new employee or intern must go through this training. My class consists of 6 other interns who are finishing their degree in Social Work, 2 Nurses, and 4 PNA's (Psychiatric Nurse Assistant). So far, the classes have included things like learning the basics of what mental illness is, how to clean a spill, how to wash our hands, using a fire extinguisher (probably the most exciting so far since we did get to put out an actual fire), and a video entitled "Slips, Trips and Falls" that taught us how to avoid these things and included step by step instructions on how to go down a flight of stairs. As I'm sure you can guess all of this has been extremely boring but I understand the reasons behind why the training is necessary. However, I have not yet observed any music therapy sessions or met any of the patients. I am getting very antsy to get some actual hands on experience.

Don't get me wrong, not all of the training has been mindless. I have learned some useful information along with some sad realities that are difficult to deal with. I think I knew to some extent the nature of working in a state institution, but actually being here and hearing some of the procedures makes them so much more real.

I have been doing a lot of things besides work that have been fun and keep me busy. I have attended yoga and zumba with my aunt a few times (both of which I had never tried before) and I love both of them. I also have been hanging out with my cousin Rossie and have also seen some of the my other family. I am so blessed to have them near by.

I can't wait to have things to talk about when I actually do get to start doing some therapy. Until then, I am realizing more and more what I great opportunity I have with this internship to educate people around me not only about music therapy but also about mental illness. It surprises me that almost everyday I meet someone who doesn't know what music therapy is, or who has a negative opinion about working in a mental health facility. I am going to try my hardest to use these opportunities to advocate for both.